I've always been in such a hurry to get to where God is taking me next. Can you relate?
I was the little girl playing with baby dolls who couldn't wait to grow up and be a mommy. I took my baby dolls very seriously. If someone would come over and want to hold my baby dolls, I got very upset if they held them the wrong way. Doll accessories were not enough for me. I went and bought real baby items for these dolls... no joke. Nathan and I really don't need to purchase too many things when we find out we're having a baby. I took care of that when I was twelve.
When I finally decided I was too old to play with baby dolls, I began dreaming of the day I'd walk down the aisle to my one true love and we'd promise ourselves to each other for as long as we both shall live. This year, that dream came true, and I married the most amazing man I've ever known in my entire life.
I wouldn't trade where God has me today for the world, yet I find that I still struggle with the desire to get to where God is taking me next. All the while, I'm also in a new spot I've never been before... I'm caught between looking forward to where God is taking me and looking back at where God has brought me from.
My life until this point has consisted of looking forward to where God will take me next. But with the new changes that have taken place in my life recently, this year I've also been looking back. I've been looking back at my childhood and cherishing the memories I made growing up. There's no denying I love where I'm at today, but now that I'm all grown up, sometimes I miss being little. The family I once saw every day, I miss now that I'm 45 minutes away from them.
It wasn't until this year that I realized the importance of embracing the season God has me in.
As I was growing up, I thought I'd be little forever. I couldn't see past where I was at enough to realize that life as I knew it would one day change and I'd be living in a new place and starting a new chapter in my life. I spent so many years as a teenager wanting my significant other to be in the picture and worrying that God would take forever putting him in my life. I spent those years worrying instead of embracing. Now that Nathan is in my life and I've got to see how God did provide, I look back and wish that I would've spent that time in my teenage years embracing that season instead of worrying that the next season would be long in coming.
I'd like to say that I've learned my lesson, but God's still working on my heart with that one. I thought once I got married my anxiety would go away about the future. I have my man now, right?!
I was wrong, though. That anxiety just shifted onto the next step in this beautiful journey... growing our family. After nearly 5 months of marriage and not trying to prevent having a baby and still not being pregnant, instead of embracing this season, my mind automatically wants to gravitate to worrying about the next step. Instead of realizing that the same God Who brought my husband to me in His perfect timing will enable us to have a baby in His perfect timing, I jump to the worst case scenario of "what if" questions. "What if" we have an infertility problem? "What if" it takes us years to conceive? "What if" we can never have a baby?
Worry after worry floods my mind, and sometimes I can be paralyzed with this fear of something that probably isn't even a real problem.
These are my personal struggles. They reveal what's going on in my heart if I'm honest.
God's been dealing with me on this subject and repeating to me over and over the same thing He repeated to me when I was waiting for my "future husband". What He repeats to my heart over and over is this simple statement:
"Trust Me, just trust Me."
With those five words, peace envelops my heart. I can breathe in a deep sigh of relief and stop trying to control everything.
The truth is, I can't go back to my teenage years and relive them with a different attitude. I can, however, allow what I have learned through looking back at those years to change my attitude now as I look on with anticipation to the next step. I will embrace the season God has me in instead of worrying that the next season will be long in coming.
There is quote that I heard in the movie "Kung Fu Panda" of all things that has stuck with me. The quote is this: "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present."
Today is the only day we get to do anything about. We each have 24 hours to choose how we spend our time and what we decide to think about.
If you're anything like me, embracing where you're at and choosing to live in the present may seem challenging. We cannot do it in our own strength. Philippians 4:12-13 is the key. "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength." NIV
Are you ready to embrace the season you're in today?
Dear Heavenly Father,
As I look back with fond memories and look forward with great hope, I pray You'll still help me to live in the present. Thank You for the wonderful memories You've allowed me to make this far, and thank You for the memories that I'll get to make later that You have in store. But Lord, my prayer today is that You'll help me embrace the season You have me in today. I pray that I won't be so wrapped up in my past or so anxious about my future that I miss the opportunities You give me today to live the life You've called me to live. Help me apply the key to being content to my life... through Christ Who strengthens me. In Jesus' Name.