This Evil Monster Called "Selfishness"

Proverbs 14:1 NLT, "A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands."

Philippians 2:4 NLT, "Don't look out only for your own interests, but take an interest in others too."

Have you ever had a day where you managed to hurt an entire handful of people you love all in just a matter of hours? Yesterday, I was excelling at that. I was hurtful to a  majority of the people that are closest to me.

Let me share with you the reality of my horrible attitude yesterday that lead from a bad attitude to the start of an all out mess.

It all started with this evil monster called selfishness.

I live in California very close to where all the flooding on the highways is taking place. Where I live is smack dab in the center of highway mess in both directions where if you want to get in or out of town you'd better be prepared for a headache.

All day yesterday, I listened to the reports from people saying what they heard about the status of the highway on when it would be reopened. Some said over the weekend. Some said in five days. Some even said it was closed indefinitely.

Why would these conversations affect me?

For one, my dad works on one side of the freeway, and what normally is an hour commute would've turned into a nine hour drive for him to get back home. For another reason, my fiance' works on the opposite side of the freeway where if he wanted to get back home it would've been a major headache with checkpoints and probably an hour or two of sitting in his car just to make it to the checkpoint.

Thankfully, my dad made it home by the grace of God much faster than he should've been able to yesterday. Unfortunately, that wasn't true for my fiance'. There were mixed statements from people about the condition of the road and whether Nathan could get back through, and, even if he could, just how long that would take him to do. He text me yesterday evening with the bad news that he probably wasn't making it home last night.

Here is where my selfish monster began to poke its head out.

I thought about the reports of people who had made it back into town. I focused on the fact that he could probably make it through (totally discounting the fact that it would require him being stuck in his car for hours). All I focused on last night was myself and the fact that now I wasn't going to get to see my man.

So, I started being shorter in my texts to him. Instead of having a good attitude about anything last night, I chose to have a sour one. I got to go to the movies and have a wonderful evening with my family, and even in that I kept a bad attitude focusing solely on the one night I wasn't going to get to see my fiance' instead of praising God for the incredible family I have that I got to spend time with last night.

Sadly, my selfishness didn't end there.

I was determined that one way or another I was going to see Nathan today.

Today, I have plans to visit with a good friend of mine. We set up this time to get together about a week and a half ago. I haven't seen her in probably a month and a half to two months. But there I was, totally consumed with wanting to make it to my man, that I text her and explained the situation and considered rescheduling our time to visit.

Moments after sending this text, the giant monster I had created last night was about to meet its maker.

God convicted my heart big time. The mess that I had created in just one evening was now being brought to a head, and I recognized the monster of selfishness I'd allowed to envelope every area of relationships last night.

God brought to my attention just how self-centered I'd been and brought me to a place of repentance.

It started with me texting my good friend back and sharing with her the sad truth that I had been a mess all night and that I was wrong. I explained that yes, I love Nathan and don't want to be stuck an hour away from him, but hers and my friendship is very important to me too, and I want to see her today. I shared that God will take care of Nathan and me, and I'm not going to reschedule on her.

What amazed me through this whole process was the unconditional love each and every one of the people I was hurting gave to me. My family didn't lay into me about my bad attitude. My fiance' even went as far as to send the sweetest text message to me today saying how much I mean to him... even after me being so hurtful last night. And my sweet friend was so gracious to me and was very understanding instead of telling me that I was being a horrible friend.

Why am I sharing all of this with you? Because last night I saw the huge amount of damage that selfishness can bring if it is left to run your life.

Selfishness destroys relationships.

When I think back to last night, I'm convicted by Proverbs 14:1. I was the foolish woman tearing down my home with my own hands. I was not following the instruction of Philippians 2:4 and taking an interest in others. My entire world revolved around me last night, but thankfully, by the grace of God, I wasn't left there.

God woke me up and allowed me to realize the destructive damage my selfishness was causing, and He brought me to my knees.

Has the evil monster called "Selfishness" been allowed to wreck havoc in your life? I encourage you to run to God and ask Him to help you slay that monster. I guarantee you that He will.

Dear Jesus,

I'm so grateful that you woke me up last night and brought to my attention just how selfish I was being. Thank You for not allowing me to go on with that horrible attitude, hurting everyone I love. I praise You that You've forgiven me and washed me white as snow. Help me build up my home. Help me not look out only for my own interests, but take an interest in others too. In Jesus' Name.

Amen.